15. Underwear

All New York gays began running into parking meters, streetlights and newspaper stands when advertisements for David Beckham’s H&M underwear campaign was first unveiled. We all wanted to see the Brit in the buff and suddenly our wish came true. In fact, one can see his crotch blown up several meters wide many places in Manhattan. But there is a reason retailers gave us Beckham’s Homo-Christmas package to us early.

Retail industry experts are predicting that the US will experience strong sales in retail this spring and summer. One item that sales analysts will be focusing on is underwear. Yes, it’s true: old businessmen will be watching you shopping for undies very closely. The reason behind this focus is because of something called the men’s underwear index (MUI); reasoning is that men’s underwear is a necessity so its sales should remain steady, save times of extreme economic turmoil when men wait to buy new underwear. One big supporter of the theory is economist Alan Greenspan.

If you believe this trend is a valid economic indicator, perhaps you should start investing now in your favorite underwear brand. National Purchase Diary Group (NPD) reported that total men’s underwear sales jumped 6.4 percent, to $3.28 billion in 2011.

Underwear has suddenly become hot. In fact there is now a Groupon for undergarments. CheapUndies.com, finds underwear deals for around 60 percent off. Co-founder Michael Grider told BusinessInsider.com, “People shouldn’t have to pay outrageous prices for a nice bra or a pair of boxers.” Don’t worry, they aren’t used (but if you want a pair of broken in undies, you can find them here).

What? Not freaked out enough? Well, someone was crazy enough to come up with a male version of pantyhose called ‘Mantyhose’. Sadly website e-mancipate.net offers many different varieties of Mantyhose for men; a man hoping to slim can buy a pair in a black-orange pattern, camouflage, and sheer white like an old country Englishman. Whats worse is that Forbes released an article with five reasons why Mantyhose can become the next Spanx. What. The. Hell.

Although there are many different underwear brands, there are a few frontrunners in the market:

2(x)ist, which is located in Midtown Manhattan. The creative director currently is Jason Scarlatti who also is a comedian, oddly enough.

C-IN2 launched in 2005 is headed by Greg Sovell who used to head 2(x)ist. He created the brand to compete with his former product. Its designs are big in the fashion industry, leading to its early success.

Fashion designer Andrew Christian has his own brand of underwear. The biggest line is ‘The Flashback’ that creates a bubblebutt without gym work.

From Australia comes the brand aussieBum,  which has gained  achieved internationa lrecognition Rather, the brand relies on its online presence which is why it looks like this.

2. Topman Clothing

Topman gay (top·man ghey) noun; origin: first Euro. “pretentious lad everyone wanted to be”

1. An evolution of the Urban Outfitter gay (equipped with sharper image, yet so much less chill about the small stuff)

2. An evolution of the H&M gay (due to loss of vestige responsible for being cheap)

The Topman in Soho first opened up its doors April 1st of 2009 with Kate Moss cutting the ribbon, revealing to NY gays the overpriced heaven that is their clothing.

Topman is a pillar in the NY gay community, not only because it is so frequently worn by Gayorkers but also because it is a clothing outlet straight men have yet to exploit. Every gay knows that straight men steal queer clothing trends as fast as they steal things black people like. First they took Gap from us so we migrated to Urban Outfitter. However they stole that with a vengeance and ruined it; we wore Urban to look grungy ironically while breeders wore it to actually look and be grungy.  Alas we migrated to H&M but damn breeders found out about that too because of how cheap it was, like Forever 21 for men. They also stole American Apparel for a bit but decided to give it back (but let’s be honest: nobody who respects their body would ever let something from American touch it). Topman is our latest bastion in the ever present battle to preserve our fashion.