20. Cazwell

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Damn…Wait what were we talking about? Oh yeah, Cazwell. He’s one of the biggest New York gaylebrities. He’s been called Gay-Z. This sexy piece of meat frequents gay club stereos because of his sexy words, videos featuring shirtless hotties (like himself) and bright colors, all of which happen to be on every gay’s Christmas wish list. He has collaborated with all the gay greats: Colton Ford, Amanda Lepore and even the queen of foul lyrics herself, Peaches.

Most Tuesdays he brings his beefcake self at G Lounge in Chelsea. If you haven’t heard of him, think of his style as gay Eminem, however rather than rapping about his anger, he talks about being a semen painter. He’s apparently working on new music for an album that may come out this year. He talks about it in a Huffington Post article. Hopefully it will contain his style of you’re-a-douche-but-sexy  lyrics, like these:

From “The Sex That I Need”:

I rocked his world with mad stamina
hot like panama, shot like an enema
I’m sending your ass back to the store to get some rubbers
so I can change the covers”

From “Watch My Mouth”:

“Take off the Speedo
I’ll eat you like a Cheeto
You knew I was a freak
Don’t look surprised
When your ankles end up behind your eyes”

From “All Over Your Face”:

baby, its all over your face
looks like you’ve been eating paste
I came too close in your direction,
DNA on your complexion

He’s so hot. I would eat his fries anyday. Follow his Twitter @CAZWELLnyc.

12. Television Shows With Gay Characters In Lead Roles

Gays love shows that revolve around gay characters. In the past, we enjoyed the awesome stereotypical “Will & Grace” along with the sexy, well, stereotypical “Queer as Folk.” Then we had the terrible “Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Girls” which thank god that’s gone.

LogoTv was meant to serve the community with a lot of LGBTQ programming. Programs like the hilarious “Rick and Steve,” the gay black drama “Noah’s Arc,” Rosie O’Donnell sponsored “Big Gay Sketch Show” colored the program. Recently Logo announced their new TV lineup and in the future we will have nothing! All of the new television series slated to appear on the channel will not feature gay characters in a lead role.

Logo’s justification for the change is odd. Representatives for the channel say that gays do not watch television with gay lead characters. They cite a study in which they claim 53 percent of gays who engaged in the study conveyed that gays “don’t hide being gay, but that for them it’s not a priority to showcase it.” It also claimed 30 percent “indicated that they preferred living and socializing in exclusively gay and lesbian communities.”

Lisa Sherman, Executive Vice President of Logo, said “Culturally, we’re past the tipping point. For gays and lesbians, it’s part of who they are, but they don’t lead with it, because many are leading fully integrated, mainstream lives.”

Ok, LogoTV, it’s time to get real. For those who do not know the channel’s programming, let me summarize it for you with one word: shitty. The shows that Logo aired were so bad David Hasselhoff would star in them. Their movies contained bad acting and bad writing. For instance, “Can’t Get A Date” featured beauty-challenged  New Yorkers who took pictures (that were later photoshopped) to put on online dating services to get dates. I’m serious. The network’s program with the highest ratings “Rupaul’s Drag Race,” appeals to gay men and women, but not every gay is interested in drag or their drama.

Logo, maybe if you made better programming gays would watch your shows. Don’t blame us for your shitty shows. You conclude that because gays do not need to shout about their gayness that people do not want to see themselves in the media. That’s like saying because I don’t smell I never need to shower.

 

11. Thinking About Sweets We Shouldn’t Eat

A part of the beauty of NY creates the ugly in your body: the wonderful places to eat. Oh god, just thinking about Magnolia’s Red Velvet Cupcake or any diabetes delicacy from Mollys—not to mention all the street vendors with everything imaginable. It was in New York that the first ice cream cone parlor opened. One main Culprit is the Wafels & Dinges truck that frequents Columbus Circle and Flatiron. Even though dinges sounds disgusting and borderline naughty, it doesn’t matter: everyone would eat a waffle covered with dingeses all day erryday. Those assholes… who can resist this??? Speaking of Flatiron, why is the area around Madison Square Park like the capital of diabetes in NY? Not only are there waffles nearby but there’s also Shakeshack offering custard milkshakes customizable with fudge, caramel, peanut butter, bananas, strawberries, crack preserves, chocolate concrete… okay those aren’t real but you get the point. There is also something that shouldn’t I shouldn’t tell you… no… I won’t… stop reading… really… no, really you’re getting annoying… still?… don’t you have something better to do? OKAY OKAY, I’ll tell you… Incredibly randomly, situated near Madison Square Park is the Girl Scout Council of Greater New York that has a secret store where you can buy girl scout cookies. So you can literally stop by Shakeshack and get girl scout cookies. I’m a bastard for telling you that…